SPORTING LOSERS (WHO SOMEHOW WIN)

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So in the penultimate Champions League qualifier between favourites Celtic and Legia Warsaw, Celtic did the utmost to get absolutely battered by an inferior team and succeeded with flying colours. Two abysmal performances…but wait! Some complete numpty at Legia decided it’d be a good idea to field an ineligible player as they must have secretly decided don’t want any Champions League revenue. No-sir-ee. Someone at Legia has probably been shot, maimed or had his daughters put up for adoption in China.

So who are sports perennial losers who actually spend most of their time winning?

Netherlands

The Dutch National side have always flattered to deceive, losing 3 World Cup finals in 1974, 1978 and more recently 2010 where Nigel De Jong did his best to get sent off only for England’s best referee to lack a huge amount of balls. The Dutch teams of the 70s were hailed as the new, exciting team of the future with a host of superstars yet the truth is they sucked on the big stage and always end up heading back home to cry on their Mother’s clogs. Despite that, most people still enjoy watching them kick a ball about.

Sergio Garcia

Golf loves an underdog, and shit me there are hundreds of them. But none of them quite encapsulate a whole manner of golfing extremities as Sergio Garcia. Talented, charming, Spanish (a plus in my book), Garcia has all the traits to be at the top of his game, yet he has one problem. He has no bottle. Twice runner-up at The Open & the PGA Championship; he’s been in prime position to win majors only to begin crying inside, becoming casually racist and getting all lairy and sweary with the press. But despite all that, he’s still sexy earned over £18m and is a good golfer. Plus everyone bloody loves him.

Jimmy White

Jimmy ‘The Whirlwind’ White was for some reason an 80s and 90s heartthrob of Snooker, what with his pasty white skin, awful smoking habit and straggly hair, he was naturally more good looking than his nemesis Stephen Hendry (real bad acne). Jimmy was loved by all for his quick smile and flamboyant game, yet he just couldn’t cut it when push comes to shove, or cue comes to pot…He  made it to the finals 6 times and has never won it. 6! I mean, that’s a lot of losing. I once lost to my sister at an egg and spoon race but quickly realised some glue would help me win, shame Jimmy never worked out a way to win.
In fairness as much as a complete loser Jimmy was he also had an illustrious career winning various other ranking events but I’m afraid he’ll always be known (to me) as Jimmy ‘The Runner-Up’ White.

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