Figures published this morning by the McBritish institute reveal the surprising truth: people who rage about lag online have no worse connection than the rest of us.
By polling over 100,000 gamers across the UK and comparing their given addresses with known local connection speeds, the McBritish Institute researchers have categorically proven that the loud minority of frustrated Call of Duty players are not experiencing any more or less lag than everyone else. This raises an awkward and baffling question: why do they keep getting shot in the back, then?
One Institute scientist that we interviewed (who we cannot possibly name) gave us his leading theory on the real cause behind the anger.
“By Occam’s razor, the most obvious explanation is that it isn’t the broadband that’s under-performing, it’s their skills as a player that are lacking”. So the scientist thinks that the real reason for the irritation is that these people aren’t as good as they think they are. But this theory has some serious holes.
If these people weren’t as good as they think they are, why on earth would they think they were good in the first place? It doesn’t make sense. If these players truly were a bit poor at shooters surely they’d be the first to know. One gamer we spoke to, with the gamer tag “xXx_Snip3rIn_urMUM_xXx#” expressed scepticism over the scientist’s theory. In his opinion “no mate it’s f***ing campers and f***ing lag”.
Another gamer we spoke to even claimed he had evidence that a staggering 80% of all other COD players own lag switches. When we asked to see the evidence he declined, but he did assure us that he’s in the process of contacting “Xbox HQ” to apprise them of the situation.